Remedial
by Molebeam
Summary: In which Madara Uchiha is the septuagenarian teacher of a class filled with dangerous delinquents.
1. Chapter 1

They were the taboo class in a juvenile detention center. Nine kids in a classroom on the far end of the building, with bars on the windows and desks that were bolted to the floor. They were the black sheep in an institution full of adolescent criminals, the kind of kids everyone _**knew**_ not to fuck with.

There was **Nagato**, a ginger boy with dozens of heavy metal piercings implanted into every available inch of his face. He'd organized the students of Amegakure Metropolitan High School into a makeshift mafia.

**Konan,** a short-haired beauty, was his right-hand woman. In her spare time, she ran a bootleg piercing parlor out of the second-floor girl's bathroom.

No one was sure how **Itachi Uchiha,** a handsomely apathetic senior, wound up in the danger-class, but it was generally believed by the student body that he'd killed a man at some point.

Itachi's fellow Konoha transplant, **Kisame Hoshigaki,** was a (former) gang member who beat the piss out of people for money. Rumor had it that he'd slit someone's throat from ear to ear, but it wasn't something he'd ever bothered to confirm, or deny. The black gill tattoos under his eyes tended to unsettle people.

**Kakuzu** had amassed thousands of dollars as a loan shark/local drug kingpin. It's been said that one can count on a single hand the number of things he wouldn't do for money.

**Zetsu** was the kid with multiple personalities who had been busted in several different schools for growing "psychotropic flora" in storage closets and unused classrooms.

**Hidan** was Kakuzu's foul-mouthed foil. A violent religious zealot, he'd been expelled and subsequently arrested after he'd knifed a handful of students in the school parking lot.

**Deidara** had been taken away from Iwa Central High via paddy wagon when a janitor discovered that he'd been building bombs in the chemical stockroom.

And finally, there was **Sasori,** the baby-faced sociopath who'd taken his superintendent's $50,000 sports car for a joy ride and wrapped it around a telephone pole. He had a bad habit of stealing things and, at one point, he'd threatened to scalp his old biology teacher for showing up 10 minutes late to class.

* * *

This was the class in which Madara was trusted. He'd served more than fifty years on the local police force, and, for the last few years, had chosen to work as a teacher at the local juvie. On Day One as teacher of the "Akatsuki" class, he'd walked in and caught Sasori and Deidara trying to choke one another, and Hidan doing lines off his desk.

Introductions had been brief, and after threatening to stick the two fighting boys in handcuffs, he informed the class that he did, indeed, keep a loaded gun in his desk. Following this, the class went silent, all except for Hidan, who told him to take the gun out and "fucking kill yourself" with it. Madara bumped the gun drawer with his hip and made a motion to open it, effectively shutting the strung-out blowhard up.

With the classroom now settled, Madara turned toward the whiteboard and uncapped a marker.

"Today, we learn systems of equations, page 37. Books are on the back table."

oOo

* * *

**A/N:** blah this is garbage. Will possibly revise in the future, at some point.


	2. Chapter 2

Every once in a while, a new student would join the roster of Madara's class. They never stayed more than a month or so, and Madara was frequently redacting names from the list in thick black marker.

Orochimaru had stayed the longest, with an attendance record of four months, seventeen days. He sat in the back of the room and thoroughly unnerved everyone except Sasori, who struck up the occasional conversation with him before class. He had skin the color of printer paper and had perpetual violet semi-circles under his eyes. When he spoke, he did so quietly, in a raspy, whispering voice. Through the grapevine, Deidara came to find out that he'd been expelled some time ago from a school in the Konoha district for packing dozens of dangerous snakes into his backpack and selling them during recess.

But the most intriguing aspect of the snake boy was his uncanny ability wipe the cool mask of indifference from Itachi's face. He spent period after period staring intently at Itachi's back with a disturbingly unsettling smile.

There was one day that Hidan turned toward Itachi and, in a voice loud enough to carry down the hall, remarked "Yo, I think the new kid wants to stick his python in your ass." Orochimaru was gone soon after.

Next came the derelict quartet that included Itachi's moody younger brother, Sasuke. Sasuke was, like his brother, brilliant, and had no trouble passing his classes with A's. But somewhere along the course of his sophomore year, he'd fallen off the bus and got himself into enough trouble that the finally school booted him out the door and sent him yonder.

Karin was a year older than Sasuke, and dyed her hair a garishly unnatural shade of red. She was an unknown variable, from a school so far away and irrelevant that no one knew her story. It was theorized, however, by Zetsu, that she was some sort of S&M dominatrix who got caught with the principal, judging by her preference for skin-tight leather hot pants and black boots. Everyone just sort of went with it.

Suigetsu was white-blonde ghost from Kisame's past, an irritating little kid who used to live on his block and shadowed him wherever he went. Now ten years older, he was desperately in need of a haircut, braces, and psychiatric help. He walked around with a slightly crazed, bug-eyed stare, something that hadn't changed much in the years passed. He had an obsession with blades and cutting things, which had gotten him into trouble when a random locker search turned up a dozen or so butcher knives and a twelve-inch serrated hunting blade.

The final piece of the puzzle was Jugo. From any and all outside indications, he was perfectly normal, maybe a bit introverted. This was true, half of the time. In actuality, Jugo was dangerously bipolar, and had spent a considerable amount of his adolescent life in padded cells and the psyche ward of the local hospital. Despite the fact that he had bludgeoned an orderly to death with an aluminum medication tray, the state had deemed him ready for public education among his peers. And so, he wound up here.

The four stayed for a little over two months before suddenly and mysteriously transferring to another institution.

* * *

**A/N: entry two: i have little to no idea where i am going with this**


End file.
